


Hello Meithman

by alcego



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Keith is very tired and would like to sleep thanks, Lance is unfairly attractive, M/M, Pidge and Keith make Plans, Red likes the outdoors, Shiro tells them No, and blue, and now it is not, then shitposts happened, they reschedule for Wednesday, this was a oneshot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-11-15 07:51:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11226555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alcego/pseuds/alcego
Summary: Red escapes from Keith's apartment only for his super unfairly attractive neighbor to bring her back.EDIT: This was originally only meant to be a oneshot, but inspiration comes in strange ways.





	1. Hello Meithman

**Author's Note:**

> [Ashley](https://waffle-walks.tumblr.com) posted a [super cute drawing of Red and Keith](http://waffle-walks.tumblr.com/post/161572955720/keiths-kitty-red-escaped-from-his-apartment) and I absolutely had to write something for it.
> 
> Edit: Fixed some formatting issues.

Keith ran a hand through his hair as he looked through the apartment again. Where had that little terror gotten to? "Red?" Keith called as he looked under his bed for the third time in the hope that the cat had just hidden in the darkest corner and he simply hadn't seen her, but she wasn't there. "C'mon out Red." He groaned. "I've got a class tomorrow morning and you know I can't sleep unless I know you're here."

And yeah, that did seem kind of pathetic when he said it out loud, but it wasn't his fault okay? The neighborhood his apartment complex was situated in was infamous for its proximity to a small pack of coyotes that was, in turn, infamous for making loose cats disappear  _forever_. He'd seen them a few times when he was getting back from work late, and the coyotes' easy confidence around him and his rumbling bike did not instill confidence in Keith that they weren't a problem.  _They're more scared of you than you are of them_ was total bullshit in this scenario.

So the panic in his voice was totally justifiable when he called out again. "Red?" C'mon girl you've got to be in here somewhere- I made sure you didn't get out through the door when I came in earlier."

But she was nowhere to be found, and Keith's sense of calm was quickly escaping him as he tore through the apartment, desperate to find his closest friend. And then he felt it: an unpleasantly hot draft of outside air tickling the tops of his shoulders and pushing his hair farther up his neck. His stomach dropped to his feet and he looked up and, sure enough, the window was open.

 _No, oh please no,_ he thought wildly as he raced to the window that was pushed open  _just a smidge_. How had that happened? Keith never left his windows open- the weight of Texas air was always too much for him and, more to the point, it would give Red the perfect chance to escape. When had he opened the window? And why hadn't he closed it  _after_ _?_

Then he remembered, and he was furious with himself.

Damn his cursed neighbor's legs, curse his ass, curse his easy way of stealing Keith's attention from whatever he was supposed to be doing, and  _especially_ curse him for waving at Keith frantically until he had caved and opened the window to talk or whatever, only for him to ask - and this was the real kicker here -  _'What the heck is a Mothman? And why is it on your wall?'_ And when Keith had tried to explain the intricacies of his favorite cryptid that stupid  _stupid_ Lance person had had the audacity to ask how the hell he knew so much about a "man-moth".

Keith had been so furious that he'd stormed to his computer, fired up Skype, and shared his horrifying experience with Pidge. She had been just as furious as Keith, if not more, and they quickly laid out plans to break into Lance's apartment, kidnap him, and educate him on all things Mothman, but before they'd had a chance to set the plan in motion Shiro had popped up in the background, expressly forbidding them from doing anything of the sort. Plans had been rescheduled for Wednesday.

He vaguely remembered slamming the window down until it was closed, but now he can't remember if the latch had clicked. If the open window behind him was any clue, it hadn't. Red must have pushed the window open and squirmed her way out. Meaning that she was  _out there_ right now, at ten o'clock at night, and that she could be seconds away from being  _eaten._

Barely taking the time to close the window until the latch clicked, Keith raced to put on his boots, almost forgot to grab his keys, and ran to the door. He had to go out there, had to find her before those coyotes did. There was no other way!

He was stopped just in front of his door by a sharp rapping on his window. Keith blinked, removed his hand from the doorknob, and turned to see Lance holding and angry Red in front of him, trying to avoid getting scratched by her windmilling back legs as she fought for freedom. They made eye contact, and Keith raised an eyebrow imploringly as he stepped slowly towards the window.

What the actual hell was Lance doing with Red?

Keith walked a little faster when it looked like Red was going to break loose, quickly unlatching the window and pulling it open. He stood face to face with his unfairly attractive neighbor, eyebrows pulled in as he scowled at the man. Red found leverage on Lance's arm and jumped through the window into Keith's arms, immediately joining Keith in staring down the man before him.

"Yeah so your cat," Lance crossed his arms as he spoke, "ran through the door to my apartment when I got back from work. I have literally spent the last hour trying to detach her from  _my_ cat, and let me tell you: there are only so many cat scratches one person can take before they start to feel a little attacked."

Keith could feel his lips pulling down into a pout as his cat was mercilessly slandered. He ran a hand along Red's back and began to step away from the window, muttering an insolent, "Thanks..." as he set about closing the window properly.

But Lance had other plans apparently, and rested his (admittedly quite scratched) arms on the window sill. "So... what do I get for bringing you back your cat?"

"The anguished cry of hungry coyotes," Keith quipped back. Seriously? This guy wanted a reward for bringing Red back?

But- "Nonono no, that's not what I meant. Look uh- Keith?" He looked at Keith expectantly, eyes not relaxing their intense gaze until Keith raised an eyebrow in a silent  _go on_ gesture. "I honestly don't know what happened with the whole  _'Mothman'_ thing earlier but I promise that I wasn't trying to be rude or anything and- okay." He took a deep breath before continuing. "I guess what I'm wondering is if you'd be up to explain this whole cryptid business to me over a coffee or something?"

Wait. "Are you... asking me out?"

"Only if you say yes, pretty boy." And- oh. Did he just  _wink?_

It took a moment for Keith to regain his composure before he was asking, "And what do I get if I say yes?"

Lance rolled his eyes, but it was good natured and jesting. "Free coffee? Maybe not kidnapping me in the middle of the night next Wednesday?"

"How do you-  _Pidge,_ " he hissed when he realized that the little traitor had sold him out. There were downsides to having mutual friends with a near stranger. But... maybe coffee with Lance wouldn't be such a bad thing? It couldn't hurt (much) to go out for coffee with an almost-friend.

"Fine," Keith said after a moment. "Yeah, sure let's get coffee sometime."

Grinning like the dork he was, Lance shot Keith finger guns and backed away from the window. "It's a date."

Only after Lance was long gone did Keith's brain wake up enough to realize that (a) he did not have Lance's number and that (b) he was going on a date with  _Lance_. Well, if things kept up the way they'd been going, Lance was bound to give him the details through another window-chat.

Stroking down the fur on Red's back, Keith shut the window, latched it, and settled in for the night. He had class in the morning, after all.


	2. Plans for Meithman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Wednesday. Time to kidnap Lance.

Keith would be happy if he never had to listen to his ringtone again. At the moment though, Keith would settle for not having to listen to it right now. It was loud and annoying at the best of times, but at what his alarm clock assured him was six o’clock in the morning it was enough to drive him up the wall.

With a groan Keith fumbled for his phone, somehow managing to knock it onto the floor with his effort. Making a sound that could only be compared to a tiny velociraptor in distress, Keith rolled off his bed and grabbed the (still ringing) phone. Still half-shrieking, Keith answered the phone.

“What the fu- Keith _what are you doing?_ ” Pidge half laughed into the receiver.

“You woke me up. Now you suffer the consequences.” He resumed his tired shriek.

Pidge hung up.

He had five blissful minutes under his covers before the buzzer to his apartment complex started buzzing. They probably had the wrong apartment number, no biggie. After one long minute the buzzing stopped and Keith breathed a sigh of relief. Then it started again.

 _What the actual fuck?_ Keith threw his covers off and stormed to his door. Without bothering to look through the peephole he threw the door open and glared at Pidge, who was looking far too pleased with herself.

“It’s about time you got up,” she said, pushing her way into the apartment. “We have plans, remember?”

Keith frowned. “No.”

“You’re kidding.” She pulled Keith’s face down to her level and stared him in the eye. “Don’t tell me you forgot!”

Forgot what? It was a Wednesday, what could he have _possibly_ forgotten? He didn’t have class again until Thursday afternoon and Red had her vet appointment last week. Could it be a dentist thing?

“Oh my god, you actually forgot.” Pidge released his face and sighed. “Kidnapping Lance today, remember?”

Yeah, that was a thing, wasn’t it? Definitely- he remembered planning this with Pidge now, and was a little concerned that he’d managed to forget. “Oh,” he said intelligently.

“Mmhmm,” Pidge hummed, settling in on his couch. “Go. Fix your mullet, do whatever it is you do to get your emo look together.”

Flipping her off over his shoulder, Keith went to his bathroom and pulled on some pants and a slightly cleaner shirt than the one he had on. They might’ve been on the floor, but they’d certainly been washed more recently than whatever was lying around his room. After taking a few minutes to brush his teeth he grabbed his jacket off the floor and walked back into his living room. “Let’s go.”

Pidge grimaced up at him. “Did you even brush your teeth?”

Keith stuck his tongue out and opened the door as his answer. Pidge snickered a little as she walked through the door, though she thankfully decided to ignore Keith’s undignified dash back in to grab his keys.

“Which apartment is his again?” Keith asked as they crossed to other side of the building.

“38B I think? Although I’m not completely sure since we’ve never hung out at his place before.” Pidge hummed thoughtfully. “Actually now that I think about it I’ve never even seen the inside of his place before.”

“Wonder what dark secrets he’s hiding?”

Pidge snorted. “He’s probably just trying to hide how much of a dork he is.”

Keith cast her a fond smile. “Yeah, ‘cause we didn’t already know that.”

They had to avoid looking at each other after that, otherwise they would be totally consumed by their laughter. As it was they were giggling uncontrollably. Hopefully Lance wouldn’t notice.

They arrived at Lance’s door and rung the buzzer. No one answered. “He’s probably asleep,” Pidge said after a moment.

“The window?”

“Yeah.”

Shimmying the window open was ridiculously easy, and Keith made a mental note to talk to Lance about getting a better lock. It simply wouldn’t do to have people breaking into his apartment whenever the urge struck them. Well, apart from now anyway. They climbed through the window.

The apartment was dimly lit, but the dust was easy to see in any lighting. And- was that a cobweb on the wall?

“What the fu-” Pidge was cut off as she started sneezing violently. Keith could only stare in shock. “I thought Lance would keep things neater than this! He’s basically a clean freak!” she shrieked after she caught her breath.

Something flickered in the corner of the room. Pidge grabbed Keith’s arm ducked behind him. Keith felt taught as a string, ready to run at any moment. Whatever. They’d tried, Lance wasn’t here, _time to fucking go_.

The shadow flickered a little more, and Keith felt his eyes widen as the vaguely humanoid shape approached, revealing its fluffy features, glowing red eyes, and _wings_. “M-mothman?”

The wings fluttered, and the form - _Mothman_ \- backed away. Keith gaped openly.

“You shouldn’t have come here,” Mothman said in Lance’s voice.

What was that supposed to mean? What was even _happening_ here? He looked to Pidge for answers but- oh _what the fuck_. Where Pidge had been there was an actual pigeon. It was a bit bigger than most, and it certainly looked frustrated, but it was a pigeon for sure.

“Wha-” But Keith was cut off by this absolutely bizarre _tingling_ feeling. He looked down and- jesus. His legs hadn’t been that hairy before- and he was certain that his hair had never been able to fucking feel shit. What chirp _._

What was flutter flap chirp. Twitch twitch. Twitch. “CAW.”

“Caw you _fucker_ CAW.”

 


	3. CAAAWW

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caw caw, caw caw caw, caww. CAW!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Caw!

Caw caw caaw cawww caw caw caw caw caw caw Caaw, caw Keith caw caw caw caw caw caaaaw caw caaaw caw caw caw; caw caw caw caw caw caw caw caaw caw caw caaaw. Caw caw caw caaaws caw caaw caw caw caw caw caaw, caw caw caaaaw cawed caw Caw caw caw caaawcawwwcaw caw cawaw caw caww caw caw caw caw caw caw caaaw caw caaw caw caw caw caw caw caw.

Caw squawk caaw caw caaw caw caw caw caw caw Keith caw caw caw caw caaaw caw caw caw caaaw caaw Pidge caw caw caaw caw caaw, caw caw caw caw caw caaw caw caw Cawww cwa caw cawwed caaaaaw. Lance cawed caw caw caaw caw caw caaw caw caw caawwww caaaawwww caw caw cawww caawwww caw caw caw caaw caw.

Lance caw caw caaaw caw caw caaaw cawwww caw caw caww. Caw cawed caw caw cawww caw caaaaw caaw cawing caw caw Mothman caw caww, caw caaaw caww caaaw caw caaw caw caww caw caww cawwed caw caw caw cawing caw caw cwaww. Keith cawwwed caw caww caw caaawwww, caw caw caw caww caw, caw caw cawww caww caw caww caw. 

Caw caw caw caw cawwww caw caww caw caw caw. Cawing caw Keith’s caww, caws caww caw caw cawing caw caw caw caaw caww caw caww caaw caw caw caaw caws. Caw caw caw-Keith’s caw cawed  _ Caw Caws caw Caw caw Caw _  caw  (cawwly caw caaw) caww cawing caws. Caw caw caw caw caw caw caw caw Caww caw caw caw caaww caaww caw caw caw caw caw, caw Keith caawww caw cawwed caw caw caw caaw caww ed caw caw caw cawed caww caw Caw caw caw caw.

Caw caw caaawww caw caw caw cawww caw caww caw caw cawing cawed caw caw caw Pidge. Caw caw caw cawwed caw caws caw caaaawing caaw, caaw caaw caw caw caaw caw caaw caw cawwwed caw caaw caw caw cawwed caws cawwwww caw caw cawing caw cawwed caw caw cawws caw caww.

Caw caw caw caws caw cawcaw caw caw cawing caw, caw caww caaw Keith caaw caw caawwww caw caw caaaw, caw cawww caw cawing caw caw caww caw caaaw cawing caw caws.

Caw caw caw caw caw caaw caw caw caw caw caaaww cawwww caw caww caw caaaw caw caw caw caw caw caaaawww caws caw. Caww caaw caawww caw caw cawwww caww caw caaw caawed caw caw caw caw cawwed caw caw caww caw caws caws caw caw cawws caaawwing caw caaawws caw caw caaawed. Caw caaw caw caw caw caw caaawwed caw caw caww cawww caaw caaww caw caw caw caw Pidge - caw caaw caw caw caaw caw caw Shiro.

Keith caw caw caw caaw; caw caaws caw caw caaww caw caw caaw caaw caaww caaaaw caw caw caw caw. Caw caw caww caaaws caw caaw Keith caw caaw caw caaaw caw caw caaaw caws, caw caw cawed caw caaw caw caaawed caw caaw caw caaaaaaaw, caw caws caw caaw caw cawing. Caw caw cawed caw cawww caaawwing caw caw caw caw caw, Pidge, cawed caw caw caw caw caw caaaw caaaww caaaawing caw caaw caaaw caw caw caw caw caaw caws. Caw caw caaw caaaw, caw caw caw caaaw caawed.

Caw Pidge cawed caw caw caw caw caw caw caw caaaaww caw caw caw caw caw caaw caw caaaaaaaw caw caaw caaw caw caaaw, caw Keith caaw caw caw- caw _caw_ caw caw caw . Caww caw caw caw caw caaaw caawing caw caw caw cawww caw caw caw caw caw caw cawed caw caw caw. Caw caaawww caw caaw.

Caw cawww caww caw caw. 

Caw.

CAW! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Caw caw caw cawww!](https://archaicsextoy.tumblr.com)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys, sorry bout that. got turned into a bird for a bit there ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Keith lunged upright, gasping for breath.  _What the fuck?_ He patted his arms, his legs- ran a hand through his hair just to make sure there weren't any freaky antenna protruding from his head. All normal. Very, very normal.

 _So it was just a dream?_ Well that was one hell of a dream- Jesus, Keith hadn't even realized he had that much of an imagination. Just the fact that he'd thought Lance was Mothman was laughable. The guy didn't even know who Mothman was!

Unless... no, Lance wasn't that smooth. He definitely wouldn't start asking after Mothman specifically to bring Keith's attention to the fact that  _he_ was Mothman. It was a ridiculous thought, and Keith chose not to entertain it.

 

* * *

 

He was halfway through his morning routine when he got a strange text from Pidge.

 _incoming: Pidge McGunderson_  
hey uhhh dude i had the strangest fkn dream  
like  
my nose doesn't look that much like a beak???? 

 _outgoing: Keith Kogane_  
hwat you mean  
*what  
you have a very round nose Pidge  
it looks very nose-like  
not like a beak at all  
i  
what the fuck does this even mean pide?  
*pidge

 

 _incoming: Pidge McGunderson_  
okok u have to promise not to laugh ok  
  


...  
i'm assuming ur lack of reply means you promsise  
so  
i dreamed that a: lance is mothman and that his apartment is like cursed or smth so that he's always mothman whenever he's in there but whenever he's not he's totally human

 _outgoing: Keith Kogane_  
so like fiona from shrek?

 _incoming: Pidge McGunderson_  
...  
i'ma forgive u for bringing that movie up just this once keef  
bc i love u  
and i know ur movie taste is trash

d u d e u've been typing for like 5 min wtf u got 2 say about shrek that's that important?  
it's  
it's a movie keefer  
not even that good of a movie dude  
chill

 _outgoing: Keith Kogane_  
i will have you knwo that shrek is a cinematic masterpiece and that its plot, tropes, and characters were all amazing and that i love it  
and before you bring it up like i know you will  
"the only reason i like shrek is because donkey and the dragon MUST have fucked" is totally fake and i still hate you for insinuating that

 _incoming: Pidge McGunderson_  
pfft u know u love me  
and like  


 _outoing: Keith Kogane_  
i thought we were talking about your dream  
but apparently its just make fun of keith time so  
byye

 _incoming: Pidge McGunderson_  
ur no fun :(  
uggh fine  
part b of my dream: it was weds so we went to kidnap lance  
but like  
as soon as we got in there it was super fkn sketchy AND THEN I TURNED INTO A FKN PIDGEON AND U TURNED INTO A MOTH AND LIKE  
WTF

okay keith ik it's a weird dream and that ur probably really weirded out but i kinda need u to respond 

annnny day now keith

okay cool so my dream really was that weird :/

 _outgoing: Keith Kogane_  
...  
no  
no that's not why im  
i  
wtf

 _incoming: Pidge McGunderson_  
u feeling okay keefer?

 _outgoing: Keith Kogane_  
its just  
we had the same dream  
it ended with us going on some really epic journey to find shiro who for whatever reason was a cat witch and he turned us back, right

 _incoming: Pidge McGunderson_  
WTFFFFFFFFFF  
WTF  
HWAT THE FUCK  
KEITH  
WHAT  
THE  
FUCK

just stay at ur apartment im coming over rn

 

Keith stared at the phone in shock. What the actual hell? He knew  _Pidge_ was creative enough to come up with a dream like that - hell she texted him all the time with weird dreams she had - but sharing the same dream? It barely took Pidge fifteen minutes to get to his apartment and ring his doorbell. She stared at him with wide eyes.

"Have you seen Lance recently?" she asked, glancing over her shoulder at the walkway that would lead to Lance's apartment.

Why was that important? Why did that matter at all? Oh- of course. She wanted to see Lance's apartment. Obviously.

"It's just occurred to me," Pidge said as they made their way to Lance's apartment, "that I've never seen his place before. Never hung out there or picked him up from there. Nothing. Haven't seen him there."

Something churned in Keith's stomach, and they stopped outside Lance's door. They shared an apprehensive glance with each other before raising a hand and knocking.

Lance opened the door almost immediately, brandishing a duster in their faces. "It's about time! You guys are helping me clean this place up."

Wha- Keith peered over Lance's shoulder and saw that the apartment was covered in dust and cobwebs. A few surfaces looked like they'd been cleaned but-

"It's just like the dream." 

Lance rolled his eyes. "I wish having my apartment cursed was a dream. C'mon- you guys agreed to help me clean! Hop to it!"

Pidge and Keith could only stare in shock.  _What the actual fuck?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [I have a tumblr!](https://archaicsextoy.tumblr.com)

**Author's Note:**

> [I have a tumblr!](https://alcego.tumblr.com)


End file.
